Celebrate Jeff Bezos’ big day out to space with a $69 miniature dick rocket

Capitalism is all about fairly distributing wealth based on hard work and personal merit, which is why Jeff Bezos earns in 20 seconds what the median US worker makes in a year. He’s just that much better than you!

Thankfully, Jeff’s also a super sweet guy who’s totally grounded and knows how to use his wealth to help people. For example, he spent billions taking a tourist trip into space on a dick-shaped rocket which I personally found to be very chill. Sure, some people say the trip was a huge vanity project; a colossal pissing-contest between egotistical, morally blind billionaires whose pocket change could save countless human lives with just as much intrinsic value as their own, but to that I say: stop being such a bummer, dude!!

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